Beautifully Unbroken

Moving from Upstate New York to Tennessee (Farmview Drive) was a life changing decision that was spot on for what I needed! Three of my children and my grandson made the move with me and the process was very long and emotionally draining! However, after six months, we started to feel like we were “home” but still, new relationships take time to build and that part was still lacking for all of us. Our lives had changed so drastically but God is faithful and was rewriting our stories with such beauty and grace.

During this transition, I paused writing because the stress of packing, moving, starting a new job, and moving the kids down a month later, was simply too much. However, after settling into a new church home and getting my spiritual focus back, my writing inspiration returned. It was right after Christmas and the pastor mentioned that she had not grown up with Christmas trees and presents.  As soon as her words landed, a memory that I hadn’t thought of in decades echoed from the past.

When I was about seven years old, I was the first one to wake up on Christmas morning and immediately ran into the living room to see the Christmas tree stacked high with presents. I knew that most of them were not for me or my siblings and, although I never knew who the bulk of them went to, I was used to it. Still, there was a tinge of excitement because I knew that at least of of them was for me! It stood out so vividly how extremely quiet, empty and lonely the house felt as I stood alone in the living room staring at presents that weren’t for me; then the memory abruptly ended.

That memory immediately turned my thoughts to all of the children who woke up Christmas morning that year, knowing the gifts would be scarce, if any at all, and would feel the same sense of emptiness that I had felt as a young child. In that moment, this poem rose up in my soul as I sat in that church service:

I know that there were so many people in the world who didn’t have a great, joy filled, family filled, friend filled holiday. Some just wanted the holidays to be over so they didn’t have to hear the holly jolly music, or see commercials for the predictable Christmas movies that always end up with the guy and the girl living happily ever after. That just isn’t real life for many people who are living in poverty, loss, suffering, hardship, or all of the above. Nor had this been the case for my life growing up. I know how hard life can be (The Breaking Begins), but I also know that He meets us in the darkness (Let Your Heart Beat Again). I have spent many years nurturing the relationships with my children, and each holiday season has become more enjoyable than the last. Not because I sat around waiting for things to change or get better, but because I pursued God and chased peace.

For many reasons, your holidays may not be full of joy, but the echoes of your past do not have to stay as haunting memories. In fact, they can add a level of depth as you rebuild to make your next season beautiful. It is up to you to make the choices that will bring you closer to experiencing genuine peace both in and out of the holiday season. It will take a lot of time and even more effort, however, it is worth it when you find yourself in the place where you want to be.

How do you start the process you ask? Start talking to Jesus and pray about everything! Open your heart to acknowledge what is holding you back, do what it takes to cut the unhealthy things out of your life, and work hard to replace them with healthy habits. Jesus is already fighting for you, but He wants you to join Him on the battleground; and with Him fighting every battle with you, there is hope!!!

I have come a long way from that little girl standing in her living room, with a tree full of presents for other people, feeling empty. But it is because I have been faithful to seek God, to pray continually, to let love and faithfulness never leave me, to Love people, and to take time out for the small things that bring me life. It takes true grit to keep getting back up after countless falls; but when we are weak, that is the time when God swoops in with His incredible strength!!!

Until next time, stay close to Jesus and remember that He is the only gift that keeps on giving!