My father grew up in an extremely violent home and, at the age of 17, lied about his age and joined the Army to escape the violence. Ironically, he ended up fighting in World War II. When he got out of the Army, he married his first wife and had six children. Unfortunately, his drinking, […]
That first blog was tough to put out there because that is some personal stuff! However, I have always believed that it is so important to be real and honest about our lives. If we can do that, then we are able to have genuine conversations that are healthy and will breathe life to everyone. […]
As we move forward together, it is important to explain that, when I speak of Jesus and His role in my life, it is because I am sharing my life experience in which He plays a vital role. Having said that, I will never criticize anyone holding different beliefs than mine. I am not here […]
Growing up in a violent home shakes your entire being and it is hard to explain it to someone who has not experienced it. I have lost most of my childhood memories but, through the years, many suppressed memories have made it back into my brain. Most of them are not good, however, they serve […]
Disclaimer: Every story I share is a real person with a real story. However, I have changed their names, their family dynamics and a few details, in order to protect their identities. When it comes to working with victims of domestic violence (DV) I never planned on doing so. In fact, it took years to […]
Sharing my story has been an emotional journey as it is not easy to tap back into those memories and relive them. However, it has been a healthy exercise to look back and see how far I have advanced in my life. I have taken my experiences and have done my best to allow them […]
Domestic violence takes many forms and, although the abuse usually begins with one person, it can quickly become a learned behavior. When you grow up in an abusive environment, children pick up on the behavior and begin to mirror the actions of their abuser in one form or another. You can never tell which way […]
When I look back on my experiences in life I can list so many things that I had to overcome. One of the most difficult, however, was learning how to accept myself even when there was a lack of approval from those around me. It was programmed into my head that I was not smart […]
The cycle of domestic violence is a very difficult one to break and can get passed on for generations. In my last blog, Chasing the Winds of Approval, I wrote about how elusive seeking the approval of someone who is emotionally unavailable can be. Now, I will tell the story of Ebony, who grew up feeling emotionally […]
Someone who is desperately looking for something to fulfill them will keep looking until they find it. Ebony was searching for love and approval and, although she continued to choose abusive men, she couldn’t escape this pattern. Abusers know whom to look for in their victims and Ebony was a clear target. Her deep-seated insecurities […]
Self-worth: If you don’t define what it is for yourself, someone else will gladly define it for you. In Ebony’s case, as told in Ebony: Part 1, Joey and Ricky did a thorough job of breaking her down and, when she met Dick, she had no idea how much more breaking could be done. Even […]
It is one thing to devise an escape plan; it is another to walk it out. The reality is that, as a helper and support person, it requires a lot of time, effort, and constant attention. Although Dick had been evicted from Ebony’s home, he managed to keep controlling her and, unbeknownst to anyone, was […]
Narcissism is complicated. Sort of. Up to this point, I have avoided using the term narcissist because it needs to be better clarified. We live in a society that promotes self-centeredness, which gives way to narcissistic behaviors and thought patterns. However, just because you don’t like the way someone treats you or doesn’t act the […]
There are many symptoms that contribute to the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). One of those symptoms is defined on the Mayo Clinic1 website as follows: React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior. This is the symptom that has profoundly affected my life as […]
One of the most misunderstood and overlooked forms of abuse is emotional abuse. It is easily covered up, easily overlooked, and easily dismissed. Psychology Today defines emotional abuse as: “A pattern of behavior in which the perpetrator insults, humiliates, and generally instills fear in an individual in order to control them. The individual’s reality may become […]
I have been part of the church institution for over three decades. It is not a perfect institution, but it plays an important role in the Christian environment. I served in leadership most of those thirty years and, for over 20 years, served closely with different pastors. I have to be honest, I do not […]
The aftermath of domestic violence is a different phase of overcoming.
A bouquet of red roses or red flags?
God does not give us more than we can handle because it is not Him giving us our troubles.
I think we all know people who could easily be described as peacemakers. Usually, they are the quiet ones in the conversation who mostly listen, but they don’t say much. They aren’t necessarily limited to being a certain type of personality, as it is more of a characteristic that they project. We often view these […]
In, To Be or Not To Be, I wrote about the confidence I walk with now. Yet, it was a constant battle to sincerely believe in myself; at times it felt like it was an endless and wearisome dirt road. Along the journey, self-doubt was my constant companion and self-worth relentlessly eluded me. My only […]
Disclaimer: This is a serious story of domestic violence and does not end well. To prevent the identity of “Evia” or her family being exposed, many of the details and the characters in this story have been changed. None of the names are real and the circumstances have been adjusted to maintain discretion. At its […]
Fear is an internal battle that we can fight for our whole lives. We may not even be aware of its presence or influence and so it quietly dictates our decisions. But when we choose to look in the eye of fear and face off with it, we can overcome so much more than we […]
Perfectionist. All one needs to do is read that word and there are immediate thoughts that begin to formulate. Thoughts of how we, ourselves strive for perfectionism; or the face of someone we know pops into our heads because they represent to us what a perfectionist is. I have lived the better part of my […]
Growing up, I only recall two houses that we lived in. The first was attached to the back of a grocery store and it wasn’t very big. I don’t have many memories of that house but I do remember being scared every time the cops would knock on our door and notify us that the […]
This page will contain all of the posts that are the more serious part of life. My desire being to bring a deeper insight into what Domestic Violence and Human Trafficking looks like from an insiders point of view. Knowing about a subject and truly understanding that same subject, are two completely different things. I want the terms “domestic violence” and “human trafficking” to be understood so that victims can find solace and comfort from people who understand!
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