Beautifully Unbroken

Whenever the fires of life are roaring and we are going through tough stuff, it is natural to want to know why or whom to blame. Sadly, it is too often that God gets that blame. I have faced a lot of fires in my life; and some of them almost took me out. However, I have learned not only to walk through the fire, but to dance through it. I innately cannot stand being sad and, although it took most of my life to find it, I have a deeper level of joy now than I’ve ever had. I still have struggles in my life, but I have learned that God is the only One I can turn to for true peace. That is because, regardless of my circumstances, I invite Him to join me in them. Blaming Him for my troubles has never been something that I have thought to do; however, I know that this is not the case for everyone.

Some time ago, I was having a deep conversation with a friend and she asked me a question that I had not been asked before. She was going through a very rough time and knew that I had been walking through a rough season myself. Several minutes into our conversation, she suddenly became very quiet and I could see her emotions rising up. Then, with a tenuous voice she asked, “Do you ever feel like God is giving you more than you can handle? I know the Bible says God won’t give us more than we can handle, but I feel like He has this time.” As I watched her emotions manifest into tears, I gently responded, “God isn’t doing this to you. Life is just hard sometimes and it can totally suck, but this wasn’t His desire for you. But now that you are in the fire, He is with you and walking through it with you. He is right here, right now.” We continued the conversation and she left more encouraged; however, her question continued to echo in my spirit.

It felt like the 100^th time I was having this same conversation about God’s role in our struggles and sufferings. As I mention in Triple Dog Dare, I have been a Christian for over 30 years, and I have heard the phrase, “God will never give you more than you can handle”, countless times over those years. The assumption is that God is the one Who is giving us the troubles that we are going through; but I do not believe this is factual. Honestly, I have never understood why there seems to be a widespread need within the Christian community to give God the credit for all of our problems. I would not choose to serve a God Who sits on His throne looking down on us, as if we are His minions, deciding who can and cannot handle a certain amount of difficulty, and then assigning those difficulties accordingly. It seems like an insidious concept, but that is exactly what the above-mentioned phrase infers.

But the fact is that the Bible doesn’t say that… it is not an actual scripture! For her whole life my friend believed that it was and feared that she was letting God down because she felt overwhelmed by her circumstances. But God did not create us to be His robots who were pre-programmed for obedience. Rather, He wants to be in relationship with us; but that desire must be mutual.

My friend was going through extreme emotional turmoil because her ex-husband chose not to be in relationship with God. In turn he was abusive both toward her and their children. After very careful planning, she was able to leave but he doubled down on the emotional torture by dragging her through a terrible custody fight. Thankfully, he did not get custody because there was so much proof of his abuse. But she still had to endure the court process and the fear of losing her children. The point is, God did not give her that life circumstance; her ex made his own decisions that, unfortunately, had a direct impact on her and caused the upheaval in their family.

I believe that the phrase of topic is a misinterpretation of 1 Corinthians 10:13, which reads, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”   

This scripture, in the proper context, it is not referring to difficulties or suffering, but to temptations. The framework of chapter 10 is directed toward the temptations that the Israelites had faced, and is an encouragement that temptations are normal, but that God will give us what we need to resist them. It is in no way a dissertation about God knowing our limitations for suffering; although I believe He does. But he doesn’t use that knowledge to bring us to the brink of emotional breakdown; He uses it to step in and help us when He knows we are on the edge.

God is not a narcissistic or insecure deity Who needs to perpetually test our Love and devotion for Him. He also doesn’t need to prove His Love for us because He already did so by sending Jesus, Who sacrificed Himself on the cross for us…period. It’s done. There is no further proof needed of His unconditional Love for us. And yet, He continues to pour His Love into our lives because that is inherently Who He is. God is fully aware of who we are and how much we desire to live for Him.

Do I want to live for Him, Love Him and please Him? Absolutely! But because I have a trusting relationship with Him…not because He needs to fulfill some kind of arrogant need within Himself.

God wants to be interactive in our lives, however, He can only move once we invite Him. A relationship is defined as: The way in which two or more [people], talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other.¹ Everything about that depicts an action on both sides. However, I have noticed that, when things are going well in our lives, it is too easy to forget about God and enjoy the moment or season of light. But when things take a turn and a dark season is upon us, then we turn our full attention to God, and many start to question Him and His reasons for the suffering.

I find it interesting that there is a certain level of shock and surprise whenever a misfortune intrudes upon our lives. There is nothing in the Bible that promises life will be sunshine and roses as soon as Jesus is invited to the party. God created people. People had more people. People have thoughts and emotions. Thoughts and emotions are relative. Relativity gives way to unpredictability; and it is in that unpredictability that anything can happen.

One thing is for sure, God is faithful to do what He actually did promise to do; “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16). God desires for us to come to Him with confidence, knowing that He is there for us in the good times and in the bad times. And in either circumstance He will draw us closer to Him so that we can better understand the incredible Love that He has for us.

When we are walking through the dark nights of our souls, even then “…we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28). We can’t see what He sees, or know what He knows, but that is where faith comes in…trusting His vision and His knowledge.

God did not cause my friend to suffer at the hand of her ex, but He showed up and gave her everything she needed to fight and she won!

God did not hand me divorce papers, but He absolutely came alongside me, picked me up off the ground and started walking me into wholeness again. I have more confidence in who I am in His eyes now more than ever because His presence was my peace, worship was my music, and my soul was able to dance in the midst of the fire of divorce.

I grew up in a violently abusive home but that was a result of two people who did not know Him, did not know how to be in a healthy relationship, and brought all their past hurts into what became a tumultuous marriage. Those unresolved hurts destroyed their relationship and, in turn, our family. At 17, I was hopeless, homeless, and over living in a painful world. But God was faithful and stepped in to reveal Himself to me when not a soul was around and I didn’t even know His Name (The Breaking Begins).

And when my own unresolved childhood trauma trickled down into my own family, with His help I was able to flip the script and turn the negative parts of my past to bring depth into the person I was to become. God has brought my children and I an incredible amount of healing and restoration because we invited Him into our the fire of our pain.

I remember when my grandson was three and he came to live with me. I gathered together about 40 crystal pendants and spheres, tied each one to fishing line of different lengths, and hung them like a curtain in my kitchen. Whenever the sun would set, there would come a point, where it would shine on this curtain. We would put some music on, my grandson would spin all the crystals, and the rainbows would dance on the ceiling and walls while we danced along with them. In spite of everything I was going through, God had taught me to dance through the fire. My grandson and I still talk about when we used to dance with the rainbows.

God does not send the fire, but He jumps into the flames with us, protects us, teaches us and heals us. I don’t exactly enjoy the fire, but I have learned to dance in spite of them. The next time you are going through the fire of life, invite God in and allow Him to do what He does best…stand by you and Love you through it!

Until next time, dance it out and stay safe!